I am in no way claiming to be an expert at
Motherhood, in fact far from it. Almost a year down the line, there are still
occasions where I feel like ripping out the last bits of my hair and
locking myself away in a room and crying. In fact, it almost reminds me of the
mini crisis/ pantry cupboard scene Charlotte had from Sex and the City 2 , except of course,
I did not have a hot lesbian nanny.
Nevertheless, having said that, I no longer
depended on my Gina Ford's 'Contented Little Baby Books' and of course
her 'The Secret to Calm and Confident Parenting' book and just so that
they were not a complete waste, I decided to sell them to some other poor mum
on EBay who I'm sure would have a 'contented little baby' just as I did.
After three years of marriage, two holidays, many
trips to the cinemas and meals later, the husband and I decided to settle down,
of course it meant moving into a place of our own, saving more and if we were
really lucky cram in another fantastic holiday. Little did we know, nature had
already taken its course, and as it intended, just as the two little lines on
around 1000 pregnancy test kits confirmed, we were going to have a baby!
Naturally, we were a little shocked, despite the
delightful news, it was big, and it was going to be forever. Amongst the
congratulations from family and friends, many had also kindly warned us of the
late nights, early mornings and all round hard work before adding it was also
one of the best things in the world.
Aunts, grand mum, friends and women in
general had warned me of the pains of labour, the lovely in depth details
of just how unbearable the contractions, pressure and pushing stages were,
nothing an epidural wouldn't solve they later added.
In fact, what they had forgotten to mention was
just how painful it would be after, the effects mentally, physically and
emotionally. Do our bodies ever go back to the way it was I hear you say?
Sadly, ladies, no matter how many times your midwife, GP or some other know it
all says, the answer is that it will not. Stretch marks, uneven skin tone, a
weak pelvis, and a few extra pounds are just some of the results of our
beautiful bundle of joy.
At first, the phone never stopped ringing and the
doorbell never stopped chiming, there were lots of 'ooohhs' and 'aaahhhs' from
people looking down at the Moses basket and our big coffee table had turned
into a mini florist and card shop thanks to visits from kind family,
friends and pretty much the whole street.
Luckily, mother and both grandmothers were around
to help and teach yet I knew it wasn't going to be forever, as grateful as I
was, all I wanted to do on the other hand was crawl up anywhere and sleep. Needless
to say, with baby waking up every two hours for a feed and nappy change, I
barely slept, showered or brushed my hair. I was exhausted,
frustrated and cranky and resembled a zombie, I hardly recognised myself.
The husband and I barely uttered two words to each other purely because we
couldn't find the time or energy to from the all day then all night mothering
and fathering. The days of long
leisurely soaks with magazines and chocolates in the bath were long gone I
sighed.....
To make matters worse, it was the middle of winter,
long cold dark days and being cooped up in the house with no social
life was every new mum’s nightmare. But, I kept telling myself this wasn't
going to be forever and just had to suck it up. I had this beautiful little
person depending on me, looking up at me, curling its sweet little fingers
around mine and best of all, its smile and laugh even in the early hours of the
morning made it all worthwhile. It truly did. The feeling was remarkable.
Source: google images
I realised housework could wait, does it ever end
anyway?! Despite my inability to stop cleaning and polishing each and every
corner of our lovely home (cluttered house equalled cluttered mind), I decided
to not let it 'break' me, which I why when I could afford to, I paid for a
cleaner who on the plus side, did massages too!
One thing I wasn't prepared to sacrifice however,
was 'me time' even if it meant one hour a day, even if it meant savouring the
serenity and being able to eat and drink with both hands. Even if it meant
going to the loo in peace.
Source: Google Images.
And finally, don't be too hard on yourself, no
matter how many kids you have, remind yourself that the mere feeding, nappy
changing, dressing and caring for a small human is an amazing achievement, one
which I would definitely go through all over again.
Along the way, I seemed to have picked up a few
handy tips that I thought I would share. Sharing is indeed caring as they say.
1) Sleep when the baby sleeps. Well, do the fairies
come and cook and clean whilst I do I hear you mutter? Even a 30 minute nap will
ensure that you are refreshed and energised and sometimes a good decent nap is
all it takes to make up for a whole night of broken sleep.
2) Communication is key. Talk to your
husband/partner about how you really feel, do not shut them out, work and form
a partnership and take nightly feeds in turns. After all, it’s a joint
responsibility.
3) Be organised, get up before baby does and have
your shower and breakfast beforehand, you will find even little things like
combing your hair or putting the washing on without any interruptions is bliss.
4) Unless you are Cindy Crawford, do not
pressurise yourself on losing the baby weight as soon as you walk out of that
hospital. Your priority is your baby and not your dress size. Be realistic, it
will happen naturally and besides experts recommend allowing your body at least
six months to recover. Instead, use this time to really bond with
your baby and get settled. These bonding moments will soon be over. They really
grow so quick.
5) Invite friends around the home when you
feel up to it. Catch up over cake and
coffee so you do not feel you are missing out on your social life.
6) Get yourself and baby into a nice routine,
feeding, playtime, bath time and bed times, not only do babies thrive on
routine routine but it will allow yourself some quality unwinding time with
your partner.
7) No matter what the weather is like outside, try
to get some fresh air and natural daylight, even if it means simply
taking a walk outside in your garden.
8) Try to keep on top of everything, a messy house
will only create more work for yourself and make you more flustered, tidy as
you go along, stay on top of important things you usually focus on such as
bills etc. Nobody wants to be calling British Gas for the millionth time with a
screaming baby in the background.
9) Take some time out for yourself, a hot bath
works wonders provided your baby monitor is nearby, put on a bit of makeup,
straighten your hair, wear your favourite dress or call up a dear family/friends.
Always works wonders for me.
10) And lastly, do not be afraid to ask for help,
there is no shame in asking family and friends for their help, if you need to pop
out or simply need to sleep or feel you just cannot cope. After all, it is what they are there for!
Albeit it all, with time, strength and courage you will find yourself
labelling PE kits, doing the school runs and making yummy packed lunches in six
inch heels and freshly blow-dried hair in no time, and somewhere, a new mum
will be asking how on earth do you manage it all.
